We seem to be the victims of an ancient Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times. Longtime readers will recall that after President Clinton's re-election in 1996, I lay out even odds that he would not finish out his second term. It looks like those odds are now, at the very least, 60-40 against.As this Fifth Anniversary Issue goes to press, Independent Inquisitor Kenneth Starr has just delivered his report to Congress, all 36 cartons of it. By the time you read this, the contents will be leaking all over Washington. And members of his own party are distancing themselves from the President, just as the Republicans did when the stench of Nixon's crimes grew too strong to ignore.
Of course Nixon's crimes were far nastier than Bill's, but that doesn't mean the fat lady isn't clearing her throat. Longtime readers will surmise that it would not exactly break my heart if the Clinton Administration came to a premature end. As far as I'm concerned, Al Gore can negotiate corporate-friendly trade agreements and toss people off welfare just as well as Bill can. And it looks like the fix is in to destroy Social Security in order to save it, no matter who occupies the Oval Office or what they do in it.
Of course, the American people don't really want to see the President impeached over his sex life, but I'm not sure the American people have much of a say in this. One of the mysteries of this whole affair is why such a loyal servant of the moneyed interests is being shown the door. Well, there's something else going on here, and it may be years before we learn what the real agenda is. In the meantime, even though we all know how unwise it is to underestimate Bill Clinton's powers of survival, he's left a huge stain on himself no matter what happens.
In January, when this thing broke, I wrote that "if (as seems likely) the President is lying through his teeth, he should do the honorable thing and resign." Woe to all of us now that that course was not taken. While Bill would be shopping around his memoirs and joining corporate boards, President Gore would be enjoying his honeymoon and leading the Democrats to take back the House of representatives in the November election. Now?
Just as Clinton's inept and corrupt leadership gave us Speaker Newt and the GOP Revolution to begin with, now his monumental selfishness has robbed of of our best chance to be rid of the Republican majority in the House. Democrats were looking to gain the twelve seats necessary to give Newt the boot; now we'll be lucky if they don't lose twenty. At the risk of saying I told ya so, this is what we get for electing Clinton in the first place. Long before I moved to Tucson and started this paper, back in 1991, I was warning readers that the man was not to be trusted. Now he's driving us all over the cliff with him. If you lie down with weasels, you're gonna get flecked with foam.
I have no love for Clinton's persecutors, but as Nixon said: "I gave them [his enemies] a sword. And they twisted it with relish." So too has Clinton made it easy for those who oppose even the mildest whiff of progressivism in his agenda to stymie his half-hearted efforts in that direction. What did we do to deserve this man?
Anyway, speaking of moving to Tucson and starting this paper, that's what I did five years ago today. Not only did I meet my wonderful wife because of it, but I've been lucky enough to spend five years making a living doing something I truly enjoy, and I have many people to thank for this. Not least of which are the many advertisers who've made this paper possible over the years. I've said it before and I'll say it again: for God's sake, be nice to them!
This issue we're launching five new columns which I hope you will find of interest. First is a regular column on bicycle activism, called Human Power. It's written by Bill Moeller, who serves along with me on the Tucson/Pima County Bicycle Advisory Committee. Bill is the organizer of the monthly Community Bike Ride, and I've always known him to be a passionate advocate for bicycle activism. I hope his words will agitate you to get involved.
The second column is called Food Matters, written by Robert Oser, who many of you know from the Food Conspiracy. Rob moved up to Flagstaff earlier this year, but changed his mind, and their loss is our gain. You'll find his column in the Vegetarian Resource Pages. Each month he'll visit another local restaurateur, with an eye towards meatless dining. These won't be strictly restaurant reviews, either; we'll try and get a sense of each chef's philosophy of food, and we will explore current food issues as they arise.
We'll also have a monthly column on Websurfing, called World Wide Weird. This is written by my friend Travis Bickle, who wants to be known as the Internet and Firearms Editor. Okay, whatever. Mr. Bickle will review a variety of sites each month, and will be exploring the vast spectrum of American politics from the extreme right to the far left. This month, is the spirit of know your foe, we check out some virulent religious fanatics, among others. Fasten your seatbelts.
Rebel Music is the title of our music column, written by my good friend and alter ego Tom Painless. This column has appeared once or twice before, but from now on it'll be a regular feature. I used to be a music critic in a former life, and I miss having my CDs be tax-deductible.
Finally we have Worthy Causes, written by the official Comic News Favorite Human, Nan Lagemann. Each month we'll direct your attention to one of the many valuable local charities struggling to make a difference, and let you know what you can do to help out. We have no shortage of worthy causes to explore, but if you know of one that you think we ought to spotlight, give us a call at 320-5105.
Thanks to all of the wonderful people who have lent support to the Comic News over these past five years, who are far too numerous to mention. All of you know who you are, and I hope to see you at the Nimbus Brewery for our Anniversary Bash.